A feeling to last forever
Is there one? Don't we run out of our emotions as time keeps beating by?
Hatred stays for long, for how long does love stay? Does it change with temporal/spatial changes? does dx/dt disturb our lives?
I read myself everyday, I try to feel myself and I fail. I have heard of " Befriend one who hates you". I practically hate everybody, and I hate everybody more with each passing dx/dt .
I listen to music which most intellectuals reject as noisy crap, no sur or raga. I listen to yesteryears' hindi commercial breakers. I accept them, I don't deny being a lesser mortal, I don't claim to be full of aesthetic sense. I live in a messy room, mostly, because I don't find a reason good enough for setting it up.
My life seems to be a psychedelic experiment of retrospection. I think, think, think and get nowhere. I know well why I hate those who I hate. The whole picture is sharp and clear in my mind. But those I love?
I can never figure out why. What makes me love at all?
I love books, purely fiction, decent storyline, and great writing styles. I also love to haunt blogs. I also, yes also, read testimonials people write for their "dear" ones. I derive selfish , evil satisfaction when I do. I look for mistakes, in grammar, spellings, unassuming and amusing. I am an unnerving critic. I hate everything poetic, especially when every twenty-something-wannabe writes about blood, love, stars, what not.
I hate screechy croony voices. I like tabla, dholak, harmonium in my music.
I not, I beg, not a metal-head. I choose my life with care, to fail myself at every point.
I wanted to be a physicist forever. Today I am not. I also know that I cannot be, because I don't go around assuming that I am one. I don't speak of hamiltonians, leptons and fouriers for lunch dinner and toilet.
I like watching hindi cinema,I was brought up like that. I cannot relish a friday night with subtitles, I rather like my heroes dancing and crying in love.
Do I love?
I am confused.
What I liked yesterday, today seems to be the stupidest thing I ever set my eyes on. I know I cannot love. I cannot because I consider everyone below my standards for all practical and emotional purposes. False.
I cannot love because my feelings don't stay forever. They fluctuate, they hurt me. They fail me, I fail them.
I cannot slander when things leave my hands, I can just sit and watch.
As for my likes, they will not stay forever. Today you are my best friend, I am sure I will hate you tomorrow.
Goodnight!
Hatred stays for long, for how long does love stay? Does it change with temporal/spatial changes? does dx/dt disturb our lives?
I read myself everyday, I try to feel myself and I fail. I have heard of " Befriend one who hates you". I practically hate everybody, and I hate everybody more with each passing dx/dt .
I listen to music which most intellectuals reject as noisy crap, no sur or raga. I listen to yesteryears' hindi commercial breakers. I accept them, I don't deny being a lesser mortal, I don't claim to be full of aesthetic sense. I live in a messy room, mostly, because I don't find a reason good enough for setting it up.
My life seems to be a psychedelic experiment of retrospection. I think, think, think and get nowhere. I know well why I hate those who I hate. The whole picture is sharp and clear in my mind. But those I love?
I can never figure out why. What makes me love at all?
I love books, purely fiction, decent storyline, and great writing styles. I also love to haunt blogs. I also, yes also, read testimonials people write for their "dear" ones. I derive selfish , evil satisfaction when I do. I look for mistakes, in grammar, spellings, unassuming and amusing. I am an unnerving critic. I hate everything poetic, especially when every twenty-something-wannabe writes about blood, love, stars, what not.
I hate screechy croony voices. I like tabla, dholak, harmonium in my music.
I not, I beg, not a metal-head. I choose my life with care, to fail myself at every point.
I wanted to be a physicist forever. Today I am not. I also know that I cannot be, because I don't go around assuming that I am one. I don't speak of hamiltonians, leptons and fouriers for lunch dinner and toilet.
I like watching hindi cinema,I was brought up like that. I cannot relish a friday night with subtitles, I rather like my heroes dancing and crying in love.
Do I love?
I am confused.
What I liked yesterday, today seems to be the stupidest thing I ever set my eyes on. I know I cannot love. I cannot because I consider everyone below my standards for all practical and emotional purposes. False.
I cannot love because my feelings don't stay forever. They fluctuate, they hurt me. They fail me, I fail them.
I cannot slander when things leave my hands, I can just sit and watch.
As for my likes, they will not stay forever. Today you are my best friend, I am sure I will hate you tomorrow.
Goodnight!
posted by Royal Stag at
12:26 AM
2 Comments:
hmmm...after crunching numbers for 8 hours straight and reading ur post in one go; from what i understand; u r NOT alone. Feelings do not stay a constant. Even if left alone, no external factor being present, they change...with time; because time in itself comprises of perhaps all the factors possible.
someone whom i thought i would love forever...after sometime i dont know if that love is still there; and after sometime that also changes. What really makes me think is the inability to comprehend myself; perhaps this inability is one of the axioms of life as we know it.
I have just read the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy; and cant help myself from adding that time is a very powerful dimension, and how i wish i could perceive another, even more powerful dimension cause in that case it would have been easier to understand the dimension of time.
trust me..i mean all that i wrote. :|
i loved loved loved one song till the last sem...now i H A T E hate it.
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