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Everything on KGP earth looks vague, every sound in the KGP air sounds vague, every being under the KGP sun feels vague.
Quantum particles are vague, atomic spetra are vague, contours without singularities are vague,and ofcouse, Lorenz method of some or the other crap is vague. I really don't believe you when you say you understand what I ever mean. I am vague.Three years and still running, KGP changed my perspective of everything to vague.
She is vague.
He is vague.
They are vague.
And I am vaguely unhappy.
We make promises when we know that we will break them. Brittle.
And we never dare to promise a word we know we will keep forever.
Is THIS why people divorce afer they have uttered the supposedly holy "I Do" ?
Is THIS why one of us will die before the other?
Are promises to just break and punish the ones we said we loved?
Vague.
The most vague word ever whispered on the womb of earth is love.We never mean it, we can never mean it, because we hardly know what it means. I say it aloud atleast fifty times a day, another hundred times in my mind, but I can barely bet that I know what I say.
Have I ever sacrificed?
Never.
I have always wanted, begged for, stolen, snatched away whatever was never mine, immaterial and non-vague things like time, attention, appraisal. And now they come to an end. Fullstop.
I complain, whine, call life a bitch, but what have I ever done to make it a tad bit beter?
I said I love.
Oh hell!!
I love what? Theatre? Books? Music? Physics?
Heaven knows I am not entitled for the higher ranks of intellectualism that swoon around books, music and theatre. I am not a smoker, I don't booze. But I still pretend to love. I also do not fit my tongue easily in a language that involves frequent use of eigenvectors and divergence.
Hence, I pretend, I pretend to love which in itself is vague. I pretend that I understand what a poet says, or atleast I try to derieve a meaning. But ofcourse, I emphasize that I pretend. All our loves in life are pretensions. Life is an act we put up to entertain others, sometimes trying to believe that we are entertaining ourselves. Finally, in our last breaths we know, how poor we were in the play, that scene or that scene.
Then we remember that one scene in which we were true, on the stage, yet out of the play, deceiving the prompter behind the wings. That one scene when we believed that the audience was not watching. For that one moment, we will see the gates of heaven and return.
I do not know where the end is, to my lies, your lies, my deception, your deception.
Dreams speak when I see a lunatic blowing his nose on my arm. Then I know, in my dreams, that the lunatic is the end to my lies, my deception.
I will see you on the other side of the moon, if you like me can deceive the prompter behind the wings.
Till then.....
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
Ill be watching you
